Honey Turned Vinegar
by Harmony's Whispers
Summary: What started out with an "innocent" note turned out to be much more chaotic than Harry expected. "Harry, why the hell is my prick so damn short!" [Drarry; Crack]


One fine morning in the dungeons of Potions class, Professor Snape declared that the class will have a self-study session as he had dire issues to attend to; however, before he depart, he left a substitute professor to watch over them and warned - read: threatened - the class that if they misbehave, they'll have house points docked as well as having detention involving some physical, dirty work that deals with smelly cauldrons and the like.

As Snape wasn't one they dare to mess with, the students nodded their heads and can only do as they're told; some students chose to pull out their potions book, flipping through the pages while taking some notes in order to prepare themselves for future classes, while others decided to pretend that they're doing some work and make doodles on their empty parchment or just chat away with their peers.

Harry Potter along with his Gryffindor buddies belonged to that second group.

At first, he was jotting down his agenda for the next DA session with mini-diagrams on how to use certain spells with advice and accurate wand movements, but after he was finished with that - which unsurprisingly doesn't take him that long at all - Harry was left with nothing to do.

Harry looked around the room and elbowed his best mate Ron who was already taking a nice nap behind his opened, standing Potions book. "Ron," Harry whispered. "Wake up! you'll get into trouble!"

Ron only cracked an eye open, yawning, and waved a hand, dismissing Harry. "'S fine..."

"Ron!" No matter how much Harry called out his name, his orange-haired friend was too deep into his nap.

Sighing, Harry looked around for the sake of it and spotted his golden-haired boyfriend, Draco, studying as his godfather had wanted. Suddenly, Harry had a very nice idea and quickly ripped a part of his parchment out. Grabbing his quill and dipping it into the inkwell, Harry wrote his message down.

Afterwards, he fold it into a square, murmured an incantation and the slip of paper floated toward Draco after Harry make sure that the coast was clear.

Draco looked up once the note gently tapped against his forehead, holding the paper and mouthed 'what?'

'Open it' Harry mouthed back and gestured with his eyebrows.

Suspiciously, Draco did as he told and the message read:

 _I miss your 8==D and that ass._

 _Wanna meet up at the usual spot tonight?_

Draco furrowed his eyebrows, but tucked the message away. He nodded towards Harry nonetheless.

Harry may or may not whispered yes with a air fist pump.

* * *

"What the hell does your note mean?" Draco asked as soon as Harry stepped into the Room of Requirements.

Harry blinked. Well, that was unexpected..."What?"

Draco shoved the note and pointed to the first line, "This! What the hell does 'eight, equal sign, equal sign, D' mean?"

"Ah, you don't get it?"

Draco made an of-course-stop-stating-the-obvious face.

"Well, the entire thing represents a prick. And the eight represents the balls." Harry explained but after not receiving any acknowledgement that Draco understands it, Harry debrief it further, "The balls, you know, the testicles?"

"Yes, yes, now move on," Draco ordered, starting to become impatient; he wasn't that not knowledgeable, damn it!

"Okay, the equal signs represents the shaft and lastly the D represents the head. Get it now?"

Draco stared at the image.

8==D

Okay, he detected some problems here. And for sure he'll address it; his masculinity is being questioned here!

"Harry, why the hell is _my_ prick so damn short?!"

"What?!"

"Look here; only two equal signs. There should be at least 7 or 8 equal signs. My prick isn't that short!" Draco literally shoved the note directly in front of Harry's eyes to the point that the pair of green eyes were only mere centimeters away from the note.

"W-Wait-"

But Draco wasn't done yet. "And speaking of equal signs; why the fuck is it so _damn_ thin like the width of strands of hair?! My prick is **thick** , thick! "

"Hold on!" Harry yelled out before Draco can complain more, raising his hands in surrender. "This isn't an accurate representation of what your prick looks like; don't take it too seriously!"

"Well, I don't care; you sent that to me, you got to make draw it accurate." Draco huffed. "Harry, I feel _so_ insulted right now."

"Alright, alright, I'm sorry. Forgive me, please, Draco," Harry reached in to grab Draco's hand only to be smacked away.

"Apologies not accepted. If you truly feel sorry, here's what you can, should, do." Slapping down the parchment and quill onto Harry's hands, Draco ordered, "Redraw it until it meets my expectations."

Harry was flabbergasted. "Draco, do you seriously want me to draw instead of getting on to some... fun? We haven't been able to spend some time together lately. Are you absolutely, positively, _one hundred percent_ sure?"

Draco seems to be tempted, but he soon shot down that option. "I'm very serious; and if you can't draw it right, well, you can forget about touching that ass - and any part of my body - for days to come." Draco folded his arms at the same time that Harry sighed.

And so left with no other choice, Harry began to draw.

Draco nodded approvingly as Harry drew the curve on the top half of the 'eight' or the left testicle. "That's right, make those balls nice and round."

"WHAT?!" Harry choked, his dirty mind instantly think of something else that was nice and round and smooth and plum and-

Let's stop right there.

Draco would have his head if he doesn't continue to draw if that glare was any indication of whats to come.

"Yes Harry, make sure to draw the shaft _thickly_."

And so what was originally the night of fun becomes the night of torture, dragging on and on.

* * *

 **A/N:** Ahhh, I hope you guys love my twist to this dick joke. :P


End file.
